RE: Marrage: when one stops smoking
To answer a few of the questions: I am 46 and she is 45. I have heard that those who's hair goes gray at an early age can be an indicator of those who will go menopausal at an early age. She began going gray at an early age and her hair is totally gray now. She has always had issues with her cycles which have been getting more frequent and she has gotten older. At her last doctors appointment her doctor also set her up for another full battery of hormone test to see if anything has changed. Unfortunately that isn't until after the first of November, because he is on vacation I guess.
When she got out of the hospital she altered her and therefore our eating habits so not only hasn't weight gain been an issue she has lost quite a bit of weight.
Someone had also mentioned maybe she was dealing with the thought of her own mortality. Well, when she got out of the hospital she was terribly distraught that "if she was to die that it would make no difference in this world".
Also in the unfortunate category is the fact I tried to post back here last night and she saw me and I think she read a few of the responses. So now she is not only upset at me but also a few of the people's replies that were posted here. Which has motivated her to register here so she can post. While I have tried and failed to get her here for other reasons it seems her anger was more than enough motivation. While I would normally relish in someone sidetracking her anger off of me I worry about it coming here... to this thread in particular. I have informed her that she must massively regulate what she puts into any of the boards and especially the ATC boards. I will do my best at keeping her from doing anything that she may regret and/or that I would regret if at all possible. Hopefully by the time she gets home this evening she forgets about it or at least why she registered here this morning.
Added: Though I agree with her on those that caught her attention and upset her. I just disagree that her responding toward them would serve any purpose what so ever.
RE: Marrage: when one stops smoking
Mandrake,
I only know bits and pieces of your story that you have posted in this chat board. I am sorry to hear that your addiction cost you so dearly. You are one heck of a man for breaking your addiction and staying clean. Thumbs up to you.
I found breaking my addiction to illegal drugs in my younger years allot easier and simpler than the addiction to cigarettes. My DW was an alcoholic before we met and gave that up cold turkey with no trouble to be with me. ( I despise those who drink and wouldn't marry her till she gave it up. )
I fear, as some here have alluded to, that there can be no peace unless I follow suit and quit now too. I hope that is not the case or things will just continue to decline until it cost us both what we hold most dear.
I don't really think most completely understand the volatility involved to which I refer. The speaking and questions that I posted earlier are being spoke by me. To me very mundane and non aggressive so I don't see how asking if someone has anything they need washed is me asking for a fight.
I have even pointed out those post here in different sections by people that have stopped.. another fight. I have also suggested she come here to talk with others that have stopped for support... nope won't have no part of it.
RE: Marrage: when one stops smoking
You're right KC Creekers that I do indeed know, as a 365 pack a year smoker, how bound a person is to it. I have given up going to restaurants with the new anti-smoking bans now in effect. I won't even get into what I would like to do with all the anti-smoking groups and campaigns. The extreems I would go to in order to satisfy my addiction would shock many and some are a crime but I know this about myself.
Anyway.. that's why I don't smoke in the house or where she can see me doing it. Something that's not exactly nice to do as the temps continue to fall here or when it's raining. Knowing that the smell is still on me I try and keep my distance as much as possible so she isn't confronted with as much as possible. I even keep my cigarettes in my truck with it locked ( keys hidden ) so they aren't in the house to tempt her.
In a perfect world with all things being equal it would probably be easier if we both quit at once. But life on the other hand is rarely fair or equal and as I said it would be a disaster. Not to mention the hate and resentment it would cause if I succeeded and she didn't, I didn't say I was an angel.
I don't think I would have made the choice that she has but such is life. Am I doing all I could by doing the same.. no I'm not, but neither am I doing nothing.. I am doing what I feel I can.
And no I'm not pissed about going outside.. I'm not tickled with it but I'm doing it trying to do what I can at this point in time.
RE: Marrage: when one stops smoking
Frankjake,
It's not about throwing it all away over smoking. It's about the constant fighting and arguing. We have fought more since the first of October than we have in our entire marriage. It's good morning.. fight, hello.. fight, I'm doing laundry do you have anything you need washed.. fight. It's argue, argue, argue, fight fight fight.. every day, seven days a week. If I stay around.. fight... if I leave her alone.. another fight.. because I'm not spending any time with her. She's like a person going through drug addition withdrawal and menopause at the same time.
Marrage: when one stops smoking
This may not be the place to ask suck a question but due to the lack of anyone to turn to I will take what I can get, if anything.
Both myself and my wife have always smoked during our marriage of almost 22 years. Recently my DW was in the hospital towards the beginning of this year for a bad case of pneumonia. It was so bad that neither myself or her doctor thought she would survive. Between the pneumonia and having two collapsed lungs in the past her lungs are in bad shape. As a result she was given the choice of being on lots of breathing drugs and using a nebulizer three times a day for the rest of her life or quit smoking. She wisely chose to stop smoking and I have done everything short of stopping myself to support her in this. Including not smoking in my own house which is irritating to me to say the least.
She hasn't been perfectly successful which has lead to deceit and for the first time ever lies between us. Now that she doesn't smoke it seems we do nothing but fight constantly. I can't say two words to her without her getting upset no matter what the subject. After a few of the fight almost resulted in the fight becoming physical she went to the doctor and got medication for her nerves. He put her on Lexapro for her nerves and anxiety but even with the medication, that she has been on for two weeks, we still can not talk to each other without her getting highly agitated.
I can only imagine how hard it is for her but I am beginning to think that this is going to cause our marriage to collapse. This has been going on for 7 months now and I love her dearly but I don't think I can take much more of the fighting and arguing all the time.
Side note: Yes I do plan on following her and stopping myself but don't think it a good idea at this time because if I become anything like she has we would definitely kill each other.
I'm aware that some will choose to make wise cracks and comments in poor taste but I'm hoping a few will take the time to answer with all honesty, especially if they know something from experience and give me hope.
Can anyone tell me if life will ever return to normal without her starting to smoke again? Or are we doomed? :(
